The Ouya That Gave STDs (or STIs or whatever the fuck)
{{NSFW}}
Read on youtube!: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oTaSKC82E2Q
Introduction
Hello, it's the 34th second, 63rd minute, 69th hour, and 3rd month of the year 3463, and humanity has just fucked itself.
Hard.
In the ass.
No, it wasn't because of SJWs or ISIS or whatever the fuck's a problem in your world today. It was because of one single device that no one considered a threat at the time:
The Ouya.
I am what you would call an alien, sent to collect data after human civilization collapsed. I have retrieved an Ouya for myself to collect data on the danger of it, so I can send a warning back to your time via D-mail. I'll keep this as an account of what this machine can do, so listen carefully.
Day 1 with the Ouya
So far, nothing out of the ordinary has occurred.
I loaded up Half-Life 3 on the Ouya as any normal human being would. The start screen was completely normal as well, with tentacle hentai playing in the background. Soon as I knew it, I was playing as my man Gordan Freeman shooting up the bad guys.
There was pretty much nothing else to this day, so why the fuck would I write more?
Day 5 with the Ouya
So today, shit has actually happened.
I found myself addicted to Half Life 3, wanting more and more of it every single day. It was obvious that only Gaben could please me at this point, which is strange, since I'm an alien. I'm not supposed to receive pleasure as an alien, because that's how aliens work. However, this seemed to be because that the Ouya held a supernatural power, and this event proved that.
I started to realize that the Ouya could make anyone horny for it, including me. I needed to find a way to outsmart this Ouya, even if it meant fucking it.
Day 7 with the Ouya
It's starting to make sense now.
I noticed that the wires connected to the Ouya have started to become hyper-realistic tentacles now. It was only a matter of time before those tentacles would start to ravage me.
This is it. It's true nature.
This is how it caused the human population to fuck themselves dead.
Spooky, seductive tentacles.
However, instead of trying to figure a way out of this situation, I continue to play Half-Life 3 like a complete fucking idiot. The genius of Gaben has me completely sexually aroused.
Day 8 with the Ouya
Now I'm fucked.
Literally.
I was completely oblivious to the world around me while playing Half-Life 3. Before I knew it, I had tentacles going into places that I didn't think were possible. I tried my best to resist, but the power of that small box was too overwhelming.
Even worse, it revealed some pretty spooky shit to me as well.
To this day, I thought that one of the most ridiculous things in human history was "third wave feminism". However, now I realized that they were right.
There was a patriarchy.
The Ouya revealed that it itself was the patriarchy in its pure form. It didn't just oppress women, it oppressed men as well. It was too late, however. It had already made humanity too horny, and it was dead now, thanks to all the diseases transmitted through all the sexual intercourse.
I was now getting fucked in the ass by the patriarchy. There was no hope.
Day 9 with the Ouya
There's no hope for me anymore.
I did not only contract STDs from that encounter with the Ouya. I also contracted every other disease/condition you could think of. However, this did not stop me from playing the ouya. I continued to play Half-Life 3 and Battlefield 20 while it continued to use its tentacle hentai bullshit.
The patriarchy was opressing me, forcing me to play addictive games made by cis scum shitlords. However, I wasn't being raped. Oh, no. I wasn't a woman, or even a human, so it was physically impossible for me to be raped.
I do not have much longer to live. Hopefully I will give one more update for you humans.
Final Day with the Ouya
This is the final warning to the human race.
Stay away from the Ouya.
It may look innocent in its cute, little box. However, it is not. It is the patriarchy and it will support rape culture, which will be the absolute end of humanity. It will make men horny and rape, giving STDs to everyone around the world.
Burn this thing with fire.
Fuck it before it can fuck you.
Do the right thing. Don't let the patriarchy fuck over your world. Men, become white knights so you can protect our precious women from the grasp of the Ouya (patriarchy). As you can see, there is no hypocrisy in this whatsoever.
I am writing this as I am dying from every condition in the world. Don't fuck up the future.
The End.